The Mirror of Narcissism
A post Kaleah wrote nine months out of her narcissistic relationship

 

I believe the pain of having been entangled with an Narcissist takes us to the very core of our wounded self. It really isn't about them anymore. It’s about us. If we are willing to look deep inside of ourselves and work through the many layers of pain we not only can come out as peaceful as we were before the Narcissist, but more so.

I chose to see the narcissism was a gift to show me the unhealed aspects of myself. As long as I focused on them and blamed them for the way I felt, I couldn't get beyond the pain. But when I took responsibility for myself I could heal.

The first Narcissist relationship took me over three years to heal and it was only a three year relationship. The second one was over nine months ago and thanks to the lessons of the first one I knew what I had to do. It was still painful but I moved on quickly. It was a five year relationship and much more awful than the first.

Having “No Contact” was really important! I Didn't know about Narcissism or the rule of No contact with the first one until many months after our break-up. So I kept hanging on to the hope.

By the second time I found myself involved with a narcissist, I knew it was hopeless! He would never change and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of taking my life energy any longer.

I knew I wasn't a victim but rather a survivor and I knew I was so much better off now that I was free. I had to focus on the "knowing" part to guide me rather than the emotional. I had to get to work on the emotional so I could heal all those feelings of self-doubt that had been there since early childhood. The narcissist just brought them to the surface. This was the gift.

If we push those feelings back down we will only attract another Narcissist or emotionally abusive mate to remind us how we feel about ourselves.

The key for me was! Get in touch with all the feelings, write letters I'll never send, get therapy, and find all the wonderful and beautiful qualities within myself that would make me want to fall in love with me!

What we don't understand about the Narcissist is that he is mirroring us! At first we think we are falling in love with him but really we are falling in love with what he sees in us. As the relationship progresses he will mirror our fears, our inner enemy, and our self-doubt.

Go back to the beginning and remember all the things he loved about you when it was all blissful and happy. This was about you, not him! Fall in love with yourself and embrace all those wonderful things that make up who you are. He really doesn't have the power to take anything away from you, only that which you willingly give to him.

Life does get better! It can become better than ever! Joy will replace the bitterness but only if you are willing to do the work? Are you willing?